Mike

 

Still riding the high of victory, you and your Band hit your favorite bar to celebrate. The bartender here knows you by name as well as drink. You slide onto a bar stool and tell him you want the usual. What does he bring you?

A shot of bourbon (which I drink immediately) and a Coke (which I sip at between more shots of bourbon).

During a battle with a powerful demon, the evil creature uses its power to reach into your mind and find your greatest fear. He then uses that knowledge to trap you in the illusion of a living nightmare. What do you see?

Ridiculous, insane, head-swimmingly tall heights. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t freak out when I’m standing on a chair to change a lightbulb or anything, but extreme heights really bother me.

After a long and difficult task, with the deaths of innocents and combatants alike in your wake, you have finally completed your quest. Instead of the typical pre-packaged reward, you are granted one wish. What do you wish for?

Jessica Alba in a red silk teddy. I’m shallow, so sue me.

During a heated encounter, a fallen angel engages you in battle and injures you severely. During your last conscious moments, you watch him lift his weapon over you to deliver the killing blow, and you catch a glimpse of what death holds for you. What do you see?

Complete and total uncertainty. The possibility of a REAL afterlife, regardless of what it might be, is honestly beyond my capability to even imagine.

Between epic adventures, you hit the neighborhood Blockbuster to check out some of the movies that you missed in theaters, due to fighting horrible monsters. What genre of movie do you pick up?

A spy or cop drama, full of suspense and gripping dialogs.

Every hero has to have a place to hang their hat and just relax. Where do you go to just let off steam and calm down after a long day’s hero-ing, and why?

Rob’s couch. I’m kidding! … Sort of.

You have a prophetic dream that your death is imminent, and nothing you do will change the fact that you are not long for this world. The only thing that remains is for you to choose the manner of your glorious and heroic death. How do you want to die?

In a massive explosion surrounded by people that I despise. I’ll need an honor guard on my trip to Hell, after all.

Heroes need people that they can trust, but treachery and the evil are waiting for any opportunity. A Hero must be careful of who they call “friend” or “ally”. What is the one thing that you demand from people before you trust them?

Trustworthiness. If there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s someone who’s unreliable.

Few heroes truly live forever, the spread of their epic tale notwithstanding. Would you prefer to have a long life of heroic deeds followed by a calm retirement where you fade into obscurity, or die in a blaze of glory?

A motherfucking BLAZE of GLORY!

In one sentence, describe the relationship you have with your parents.

It’s pretty much great in every conceivable way.

Sum up something about yourself with a single movie quote or song line.

It’s no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy.

You’ve fallen on hard times. Money is tight, and you have enough left in your pocket to buy one meal today. Which meal do you buy, and why?

A big, late lunch. I rarely eat breakfast anyway, and I’d be able to get through the day and turn in (hopefully) before I get too hungry again.

After a decent stint fighting off demons and fallen angels alike, you wind up in Hollywood as the front man for an up-and-coming band. What kind of music do you play?

Something with a lot of guitar.

Same scenario as above, but instead of becoming a musician you become a film star. What kind of movie do you star in as your first feature film?

A spy drama, of course! I get the girl at the end.

Continuing the fame scenario, you are cast as a known superhero in an upcoming blockbuster film. Which superhero are you cast as?

In the bizarro world where I’m a superhero in a movie, I’d probably be Spiderman. Neither one of us can keep our damn mouths shut.

Name three things in your pocket.

My cell phone, spare change, and a fortune cookie fortune that has to be a couple months old.

After a long night of just hanging out at home, you wake up the next day and turn on the TV. What channel is on as soon as you turn it on?

The History Channel.

At the end of a 12-hour alcohol-soaked bender, you and your Band arrive at a tattoo parlor and decide to get inked up. What tattoo do you get, where, and why?

A traditional Japanese dragon, winding around my left leg, starting at the ankle and ending below the knee. Probably in silhouette, or maybe something stylized.

It is the end of the war between the Gods and the Satan, and your side (regardless of which side that is) is victorious. It is now time to divide up the spoils – and the spoils of this war is the world. Which region of earth do you demand to have dominion over, and why?

Puerto Rico. I hear it’s beautiful, and there’s the added bonus of lots and lots (and lots) of latin women.